


Feelings Are Fatal

by RomanticRen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben "I'm a huge idiot" Solo, Emotional Rey, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond, Give them a hug pls, M/M, Renperor, Reylo - Freeform, Sexual Tension, Shameless Reylo, Slow Burn, Smut, lots of fluff, resolved tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:45:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanticRen/pseuds/RomanticRen
Summary: She was a broken woman, who put her trust in a man who’d tricked her, who’d opened himself to her freely, and trusted her back. And then, like a stab to the chest, he betrayed her in the cruelest way he could. Rey found herself fighting tears at night when his side of the bond would trickle in the back of her mind ever so slightly. Most members around the Resistance base had found out about her bond with the Emperor, other newcomers just thought of her as the Jedi girl who defeated the late Supreme Leader.





	1. New beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first public fic! I’ve been a Reylo idiot since TFA, and I love the ship with my being. Rey won’t be too overly emotional, but I’d like her to express SOME grief over the last episode since I feel like people write her way too stone cold and fierce. SO with that said, enjoy!

It had been just over seven months after the last First Order attack on the dwindling Resistance. General Organa had snuck her small ragtag Resistance into the shadows of Coruscant. What was once just pushing thirty members, was now over 300 scattered across the galaxy. More supporters were filling in the gaps that the treacherous First Order created over the years. The only attacks the Emperor had made since the downfall of the Resistance on Crait, were small maneuvers here and there. Regaining trade ports of old Rebellion supporters, taking minerals for ‘the good of the Order’, and placing colonies of Stormtroopers on backwater planets.

Finn had taken it upon himself to provide as much information he remembered about the way things were run around Star Killer Base, which helped in any way it could. The General even promoted him to having his own squadron when it came to strategic maneuvers throughout the underground base a fairly wealthy resistance supporter had provided.

Poe, on the other hand, had become less insistent on making his own decisions, and regained the respect of his General.

As for Finn _and_ Poe, that situation was another in its own. Rose, whom Rey began to know quite well, had accepted the fact that Finn’s heart beat for Poe and his princely charms only.

 

The short months after the fall of the Supreme Leader, Rey found herself moving along swiftly. Independence was something she could handle, but after the small taste of freedom Ben allowed her, it was hard to get back into the groove of things. She’d shut off her side of the bond the moment he knelt for her, and she wouldn’t be swayed to change that fact. Not yet at least.

Finding out the bond wasn’t made by Snoke didn’t unnerve her as much as she’d thought it had.

But shutting it out for more than a week was tiring, emotionally and physically. At nights, she often sat alone, wondering where she’d gone wrong. It took her over _three months_ just to allow herself to stop pacing over the issue.

She was a broken woman, who put her trust in a man who’d tricked her, who’d opened himself to her freely, and trusted her back. And then, like a stab to the chest, he betrayed her in the cruelest way he could. Rey found herself fighting tears at night when his side of the bond would trickle in the back of her mind ever so slightly. Most around the Resistance base had found out about her bond with the Emperor, other newcomers just thought of the Jedi girl who defeated the former Supreme Leader.

And her friends, force, her friends were the best damned things that had happened to her since she left Jakku. Finn, Rose, and Poe would help her in anyway they could, and _never_ bringing up _his_ name. When she’d go days without eating, they’d knock on her door bearing her favorite fruits and a few cups of Corellian brandy. When she would stumble into the commons for breakfast looking like a corpse, they would comment on how shiny her hair looked that morning, or hand her an extra cup of caf on hand. Needless to say, her grieving process was gratefully dulled as the months went on.

 

But, the current months were starting to drain Rey’s force ability more and more. With no teacher and minimal knowledge of the force to begin with, it was getting harder and harder to block out Kylo Ren’s end of the bond. No matter how many hours she meditated, or how many rocks she lifted in her free time, the former scavenger just couldn’t scavenge enough mental armor for almost eight months in a row.

***

_If there was any way she could reach him without being seen by either Resistance or First Order, she’d bolt down the Falcon with rapt speed. Maybe, just maybe, she could say one last thing to change his mind._

_But the reality of the situation was that she had lost. She’d lost her trust in him, her hope that somehow, maybe she could bring him back with her. They’d live together with the Resistance, teach each other new techniques of the force, spar together, maybe even be happy. Sadly, Rey had spent too much of her life living off of false hope, and she had to stop trusting so easily. Starting with B-_ No _. Kylo Ren._

_Oh, but the look on his face. He was a broken man, and she a broken woman. Those golden eyes looked up to her, confusion and soft pleads leaking all over his traitorous expression. They haunted her entire being, sending the hairs upon the back of her neck upright. She simply pursed her lips into a thin line of disappointment._

_‘How could you?’ Was the last thing that filtered through their bond before she not only shut him out of her sights, but out of her mind. The thing that stuck with her afterwards, was the fact that she couldn’t decipher who was more disappointed in the other. Him, or her._

_***_

Rey awoke that day with sweat covering her brow. It unnerved her, the flashback that she’d had. The force would float images of him in her mind now and then, but never complete flashbacks. Their bond was dormant, sometimes on Rey’s end, sometimes on both. Today was certainly not one of those dormant days. She could feel the claws of Kylo Ren digging at the base of her scull, so it was by no doubt going to be an exhausting day.

Exhausting it was. The Underground, the little nickname Resistance members had given their new base, got ridiculously cold during working hours. Having to live on a desert planet for most of her life, Rey wasn’t as accustomed to the chill a cooling system provided. Today, while she worked on a malfunctioning droid, a fellow mechanic named Jonas noticed the gooseflesh creeping up on her skin. She’d seen him around the base here and  there, and when he offered her his jacket, Rey froze. Kind gestures were foreign to her, so she was naturally reluctant to accept the offer that this fairly kind man had proposed.

In his outstretched hand was a thick, grey coat with leather accessories. It lay limply before her, as if awaiting her answer just as much as Jonas was.

Rey’s eyes gently flicked up to her new acquaintance once the jacket was snug on her body. The chill that she’d barely become accustomed to was now fading away, replaced by the warmth the jacket’s inner wool provided.

“You’re Jonas Nimcoff, right?” Rey asked hesitantly.

“You’re Rey, right?” The man asked with a delicate, knowing smile. Rey took this time to respond with a crinkled nose and a smile. It seems as though she attracted many around her, and it was high time she allowed herself to relax after all she’d been through.

Rey’s thoughts were soon interrupted by the calm voice of her new friend, it seemed. “It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve only heard the best of your adventures. I never knew you liked droids though, seems as though everyone talks about seeing you under some ship instead of these guys here.” Jonas explained as he ran a hand through his auburn, slicked back hair. There was no doubt that this man was handsome. The two could even be friends if Rey would allow herself to open up a bit.

“I’ve always liked droids actually.” She paused and softly knocked on the dormant blue BB unit that she’d been tinkering with. It was high time she had her own droid for when it came to errand around the base. Poe even offered her an X-Wing during missions, because only Poe knew just how freeing the sensation of flight was for Rey.

“I guess they’ve run out of ships for me to fix, so I took it upon myself to snag this little fellow up.” The Jedi beamed with a kind smile.

It seemed as though Rey and Jonas talked for hours that evening.

 

Eventually, Rey’s work halted for dinner where she invited Jonas to her usual table full of friends. Not only was Rey fond of this man, but Rose, Poe, and Finn seemed to appreciate his presence as much as she had.

“I’m really happy for you, girl!” Rose beamed after her mouthful of veggies. “This is the most I’ve seen you socialize in the past, what is it, six months?” Her friend chatted happily, but was cut off when Rey reminded her that it was seven months, not six. Rose fixed her gaze from the white plate at Rey’s end of the table to her own. “Don’t think I’ve seen you eat this fast either...” The comment faded into laughter that seemed contagious throughout the entire table.

The statement stood true for Rey, though. She really hadn’t felt this good since, well, since _then_. The headache in the back of her mind was gone, and her end of the force seemed at ease, happy even. The edges of Rey’s mouth began to tire from the smiling she was doing, and her voice began to strain from all the talking she’d been doing that day.

Jonas seemed to impact the rest of her month on the Resistance base before Rey ventured into the streets of Coruscant. It was just a small trip for personal supplies, such as feminine products and a pair of new grey boots she’d bought on the spot. Luckily, now that she was an official Resistance member, she had enough credits for that sort of thing.

When her little joy run on the busy planet had come to an end, Rey wasn’t expecting anyone waiting for her. She especially hadn’t expected Jonas to greet her when she returned, but there was. Blue eyes crinkled with a small sack of metal that seemed to be spherical.

It dawned on Rey that he was holding droid parts- _for her droid!_ Warmth spread throughout her cheeks at the gesture, no one had ever done anything like this for her before. Sure, Poe had offered her a swing around an X-Wing from time to time, and Finn was as affectionate with his bear hugs as always, but this was something that Rey could keep. It was something that wouldn’t just turn into a memory, something she could turn over in her hand and inspect for hours upon end.

Not only had this man given her something, no strings attached, but someone was _waiting_ for her. 

With a little grunt, Jonas plopped the bag of parts down to the stone tile in the repair room where Rey found herself spending most afternoons before her small adventure in Coruscant.

“You didn’t have to!” Rey beamed as she knelt to the floor to inspect all of the parts. The scavenger in her giggled at how many portions she would’ve been able to snag from Unkar. Force, she’d be eating for months without having to lift a finger!

“Jonas, these aren’t just junk parts, they’re new!” Rey blurted before thinking, her eyes wide as she peered up to where he was now sitting, a slender work bench. He was chuckling now, with his elbows on his knees and his chin atop his knuckles. Kriff, she must’ve looked so silly getting excited over scraps, but Jonas seemed fond of the excitement more than Rey would credit him for.

“Yeah, while you were out in the city, General Organa got in a few shipments, but the droids they’d sent were simply spare parts. There was only one droid that could’ve been recovered. Don’t worry, I checked for you.” With his explanation, came a quick wink. This man knew her better now, because Rey would’ve done all her force abilities could allow to prevent trashing a droid. They were too good to just throw away, even if they were artificial intelligence.

Rey stood with the bag in hand and hugged him. He was just about 5’9, and didn’t cower over her figure. He didn’t have broad shoulders, or long, silky hair. Nor did his face bisect with a scar and a long nose with pleading eyes.

Suddenly, the headache in the back of her mind was back, but this was normal for her. So she sure as hell didn’t let it ruin the affection she’d granted herself. The hug wa needed, and Jonas obliged with a gentle grip and the scent of oil and leather. It wasn’t _that_ pleasant, but it would do. _‘It’s better than nothing. It’s better than thinking about-‘_

As if summoned, there was a flicker of anger in the force. It was strong, menacing, and so familiar. She knew this presence, the silent hum that drowned out the rest of the world and just focused on the two special beings tethered together behind a golden strand.

Rey’s grip on Jonas tensed as fear and trepidation quickened her pulse. How had he reached her end of the bond? She’d gone eight months keeping him away. Eight months!

“Rey.” Jonas’s voice cut through the bond, but just enough so Rey could hear him.

“I’m sorry, I-I have to go. Thank you for the parts..” Rey shook herself from her trance and ran. She knew her room would be safe from him, all she needed was meditation. That’s what she told herself at least.

But the thing is, once she reached her room, his presence didn’t leave her.


	2. Always for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And you don’t think my life wasn’t risked in the process?” Kylo asked from his side of the bond, where his voice filtered throughout the room. Kylo's chin pointed upwards and his chest rose drastically before he exhaled. It made the hair on the back of Rey’s neck stand up at how ghostly it sounded. Like this man wasn’t where he was meant to be. “I took Snoke's life over yours. The most powerful force user in the galaxy! The man I trusted for years, Rey, are you that selfish to not see it?” There’s when the anger came out, the rage Rey was waiting for ever since the force connected the two. It made her flinch. He was blaming her for the pain he felt now. She knew that now. Kylo was an open book without his mask. 
> 
> “I don’t need this now, I need to think of me. It’s never for me, and I need this to stop.” Rey sighed through the silent tears that began to dry on her face. She was so tired. So very tired. Her limbs ached for affection, she craved it. After years of living alone on a junk planet, Rey was just as touched starved as a dying plant was for water. “I want to live my life. I want to surround myself with my friends and family, here, in the Resistance. Not with you while you rule the galaxy. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you guys aren't too mad at me for not updating. Ugh, I had so much going on outside of the internet, that I've barely been on any social media recently. Don't fret though, I'm already in the works of chapter 3, so hopefully I'll post it in the next few days or so. But for now, enjoy this chapter!

 

 

 

_“I’m happy for you,_

_Im smiling for you,_

_I’d do anything for you, for you._

_It’s always for you,_

_and never for me._

_So I need you to stop so I can tell you please.”_

_-Feelings Are Fatal_

 

 

 

 

It was quiet. All too quiet minus the suffocating presence of Kylo Ren’s force signature. Rey said nothing.  

Dim light bounced across the grey walls of Rey’s bunker. The air was stagnant and still, like the swampy waters of Dagobah. Rey felt as if she couldn't breathe with someone else's force signature so close, so intimate in this still air. Especially someone who didn't deserve the time of day from her.  

Over the months of bond denial, Rey had only referred to _him_ in her mind as Kylo Ren and no one else. The man who struck Snoke down was Ben. The man who shared silent stares across the galaxy with her was Ben. The man who understood her was Ben. But now, she felt more alone than ever, even surrounded by 300 species of life within the Resistance, not to mention the abundance of artificial intelligence.

Finally being connected with him through the bond made her heart pound, and her eyes sting. The force around her doubled, as if new powers were unlocked within her mind. His signature flowed easily throughout the confines of her room, and throughout her body as well. It was so kriffing hard to stand still, avoid his eyes, and not run straight into his arms.

Surely, Rey could just ignore his presence. She hadn’t heard him, this was simply the force taunting her for her denial of their bond. Right?

Wrong.

Rey began to pace, but before her first stride was successful, Kylo reached out. The ghost feeling of hands skittered around her forearm, as if a fraction of Kylo’s hand tried restraining her from moving away. It was harder to express physical sensations throughout their bond the further they were from one another. And if both recipients were willing. Rey certainly wasn't.  Back when they were in the same room, their bodies were one, their actions linked like an unbreakable chain. They were balanced. 

With sudden frustration building in the back of her mind, Rey’s body whipped around at rapt attention. How dare he touch her, steal her attention away from the ones she surrounded herself with. Finn, Rose, Poe, Leia, Jonas. She let him into her mind willingly, allowed their bond to connect and communicate on more than one occasion. But he'd sideswiped her for the galaxy. He'd thrown her away. But oh stars. Stars, stars, stars. When their eyes locked, she was finally able to see him, truly take him in after the eight or so months they've been apart. Her heart threatened to break at the brokenness that shimmered in his deep, expressive eyes. It always had been his eyes that fascinated her. Ever since she first saw his face on Starkiller Base, she understood why this man wore a mask. There were deep circles under his eyes now, almost like bruises on his milky skin. His lips were parted slightly, and his jaw tensed as if he were biting down on his tongue. It was so hard to ignore that look, so she reminded herself who this ma-no, this _thing_ really was. She thought she knew him, but he had turned on her like the monster she believed he was.

“So that is what you think of me, now?” Kylo’s voice hummed in the back of her mind like a ripple in a pond. “A monster.” The echo was solemn, and cold. It reminded her of the false comfort snow provided. Beautiful, but cold to the touch. 

That’s what Rey labeled Kylo Ren to be, snow. He mislead her, allowed her to cry in front of him, for him. Yet in the end, he’d abandoned her just like the rest had. And so, Rey wouldn’t allow herself to fall for the same fate she had over and over.

“Rey, I know you hear me. You can’t ignore this forever.” The voice Kylo used was soft, yet indescribable to pinpoint just one emotion. Regret, sadness, betrayal. All of those feeling lingered in the air when he spoke. 

Her eyes caught Kylo’s for a sharp moment, and an overwhelming amount of emotion hit her straight on. The force thrummed unsteadily between the two, like a chord only being held together by a few strings. Her heart beat violently in her chest when he swallowed and shifted closer to her. His eyes pleaded for her to listen, begging her for the attention she'd withheld from him for almost a year. She couldn’t look straight into his eyes, so she settled on how fascinating her new leather shoes she’d purchased were. A moment passed by of silence between them. Rey, staring at her boots, and Kylo, staring her down with big eyes full of feeling. 

“You’re not the only one who’s hurting.” It was then, that Rey snapped her eyes up again, this time viciously. The force rippled unsteadily at her change in emotions. Pain, regret, fury, and betrayal linked from both sides of their tragic mental link. At least they had that in common.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Rey managed to keep her voice from cracking under the weight of his feelings. She’d dealt with them for too long, and they would be her burden no more. “I have a life here now, friends that care about me. I don’t need you lingering in my mind anymore. Next time-“ Rey paused to gesture between the two of them. She found herself looking for too long at him and deeply inhaled. “-this happens, just ignore it.” Her bitter voice cut off, like it didn't have the courage to bounce off of the walls any longer.  

The tension in Rey’s jaw built slowly, painfully, and she realized that the both of them were clenching their jaws. It was a habit all too common for her these days. Then, a still pause.

“Yes, but do they understand you?” There was no response from Rey.

“Ah, so it is true.” Cruelty laced through his words, just like the day he’d tossed her aside like the dirt she’d risen from. A nothing, a nobody. “You’re just as lonely as you were when I met you. You and I, we’re more alike than you seem.”

All too suddenly, Rey’s eyes began to burn, and her throat lumped uncomfortably. This man was cruel, and for that reason, Rey hated the force for bonding them. Rey kept all too silent and all too still. 

How could she respond to that? She simply settled on fuming silently in place of words. The tears that welled in her eyes were not just of sadness, but of hatred. She found that she hated Kylo Ren.

“You try to rid yourself of that loneliness by surrounding yourself by people. People like that droid technician from earl-“

“Stop!” Her voice came out low and schooled in her room. Surely any passerby could’ve heard her growl loud and clear. Angry tears dripped from her jaw as she glared at the projection before her. Yes, she hated Kylo Ren.

“You-“ Rey shivered. “You’ve put me through too much. What I did, it was always for you and never for me!”

_The rain outside the subtle stone hut pat softly like background fuzz. Rey sat numbly upon her small cot, covered in dipping water and a flimsy blanket. Her hair was soaked, and there were lines imbedded in her cheeks from the tears she’d shed. Her family wasn’t to be found here as she thought. Nor was her family like the kind she'd dreamed about alone at night. The limbs on her body trembled with shivers, ones she feared wouldn’t leave all too soon. Hopeless, she let out a small puff of air and shook her head._

_“I’ve never felt so alone.” Her voice whispered across the crackling fire._

_“You’re not alone.” Ben muttered softly, his face illuminated with warm embers on the other side of the flames._

_That statement struck something warm in the pit of Rey’s stomach. A bubble, no, a fuzz or tingle of some sorts. Hope, maybe._

_“It’s not too late.” She heard herself saying before she could stop herself._

_Shakily, Rey extended her hand for Ben to take. Maybe, just maybe, she could sway him. She could bring him back to his family, she could bring him to her. Where she wouldn’t be so alone, where someone would understand her, see her emotions when she wasn’t able to express or explain them. Someone to care about, and get that same loving satisfaction in return. They were so alike, her and Ben Solo._

_And to her dismay, Kylo Ren’s black glove was discarded in a small flick, and the naked hand of Ben Solo emerged inches from her own._

_The force around them sang loud and clear as it provided strength to move forward._  

_Yes. Perfect. Closer, closer._  

_The shaky hand of Ben Solo reached the tips of her fingers, and it was as if time had stopped for the two of them. The force sang louder this time, and Rey's eyes shut, only to open a moment later._

_Rey knelt in front of Kylo Ren's unmasked figure, a lightsaber pointed towards her. And that's when she felt the life force of Snoke fade away from the galaxy._

_Rey knelt in front of Ben Solo, one arm propped upon their silky comforter, while the other twisted a gentle raven lock of his hair. Content, Ben hummed and opened his groggy eyes from slumber that morning._ __

_Rey knelt in front of Ben Solo, her bare feet itchy from the grass beneath them. "Ben, they won't wait forever you know. You promised them you'd show them your saber." Her voice was full of playfulness and accusation while Ben rested in the green field. He sighed in response and sat upright just before smiling up at Rey, who was now standing. "Alright Alright."_

_This time, Ben Solo knelt in front of Rey with a nervous _smile, and something small and shiny in his hand Rey couldn't make out in the fuzziness of her vision.__

_With just the glimpse Rey had of Ben’s future, there was no doubt she could stay away from him any longer. More, more, the force edged. He needed help, needed guidance more than ever now. The force was singing as loud as it could now, telling her to go to him. Go, bring him back to us, he needs you. You need him._

 

“That day, I risked my life to help you, to bring you back with me.” Suddenly, the bite was gone from Rey’s words. In its wake, was sadness of the memory that belonged to a different woman. Another stream of tears trickled down her cheeks, and the tightness in her chest was too much to bear. "To help you." This time her voice wavered. 

“And you don’t think my life wasn’t risked in the process?” Kylo asked from his side of the bond, where his voice filtered throughout the room. Kylo's chin pointed upwards and his chest rose drastically before he exhaled. It made the hair on the back of Rey’s neck stand up at how ghostly it sounded. Like this man wasn’t where he was meant to be. The echo of his voice just didn't seem right, the force reminded Rey. He should be closer, he should be with her. “I took Snoke's life over yours. The most powerful force user in the galaxy! The man I trusted for years, Rey, are you that selfish to not see it?” There’s when the anger came out, the rage Rey was waiting for ever since the force connected the two. It made her flinch. He was blaming her for the pain he felt now. She knew that now. Kylo was an open book without his mask. 

“I don’t need this now, I need to think of me. It’s never for me, and I need this to stop.” Rey sighed through the silent tears that began to dry on her face. She was so tired. So very tired. Her limbs ached for affection, she _craved_ it. After years of living alone on a junk planet, Rey was just as touched starved as a dying plant was for water. “I want to live my life. I want to surround myself with my friends and family, here, in the Resistance. Not with you while you rule the galaxy. I've found my purpose. You have all that you want now, but I’ll never be there with you. Not even in the force..” Rey stated before shoving their mental connection away. It felt exactly like it had on the _Falcon_ eight months ago.

Like someone ripped open her chest, tore her heart and stole it from her in one painful jab.

_“-Kill you with the cruelest stroke”_ echoed in her mind, and Snoke was right. This bond was slowly starting to rip her apart as she sat there upon her empty cot and truly cried for the first time in months.

 

* * *

 

Rey awoke the next morning to crust at the edge of her eyes and her lips parted. There was no sunlight to wake her this morning. No sand itching between the creases of her limbs, telling her it was tine to start her day. No waves crashing in the distance, or the chorus of Porgs chirping outside her hut. It was just dim light and the stale smell of metal and dirt to wake up to. Needless to say, it sucked. At least the familiar presence of her force signature was there to comfort her, like a lightweight blanket on her mind to balance her emotions. There was no extra weight of emotions. No. That box was closed off in the back of her mind to hopefully be forgotten. _He_ wouldn't turn her day around, not if she had any say in it. 

The tunnels of The Underground bustled with Resistance members and droids alike. Some greeted her, while others seemed too involved with their destination. It was nice to be noticed, to feel like someone important for just a moment. To forget who she really was. A nobody, with no name, no family, and no need to be involved in a rebellion. A black BB unit rolled into her leg which startled Rey momentarily. She smiled down at the unit and nodded at the few beeps of an apology it provided. Then, it sped off with softer beeps and a few blinking lights. Rey simply shook her head in mirth and headed towards the cafeteria, where Finn would most certainly be conversing with his favorite pilot over breakfast. 

The cafeteria, just like the tunnels and mazes of The Underground, were just as full of life as Rey suspected. After grabbing a plate full of food and a cup of caf, a luxury she found she couldn't live without anymore, she made her way to Finn. The group of loud pilots and friends usually sat towards the back of the cafeteria. It was her daily routine, and Rey enjoyed each and every one of their faces. One, she noticed, was eyeing her with a hint of weariness. 

"You alright, Jonas?" Rey licked her lips and sat across from him while her eyebrows arched in concern. The droid technician sighed softly and offered a halfhearted smile in her direction just before sipping from his cup. 

"I suppose so, just a bit concerned at why you ran off so quickly yesterday." He replied with furrowed brows. It was sweet of him to worry, Rey thought, but all of the attention made her uncomfortable at times. No matter how attention starved she was. 

"That's kind of you, but I'm fine. Really, I am." Rey cleared her throat awkwardly and offered a small smile. It seemed as though she took some time adjusting to people being concerned for her wellbeing. With Finn, it was so mutual and natural for her. She was just drawn to him as he was to her. They were inseparable friends, he was just one of the only members on this base that Rey could truly open up to.  The rest of her breakfast was spent in good spirits, with laughter and conversation bouncing from member to member. And that's how it always was, really. Afterwards, the group of rambunctious friends parted their ways. Rey, to the launch bay with Poe, and Jonas with Rose on their way to inspect a few technical problems. But Finn, Rey couldn't keep track of.

As they got closer to their destination, Poe spoke. "So kiddo, you ready for this?" He looked to Rey with excitement in his eyes. Poe had simply invited Rey to come along for the small mission he'd been assigned to, and Rey took upon the offer at breakfast almost immediately. 

"Always ready." She responded with confidence and a skip in her step. She'd do anything to go above ground. She was a flower that lacked sunlight, and her bones were simply aching to feel that natural warmth once again. Her grin didn't leave her face even when Poe chuckled at her eagerness. The two had to make their way up a few flights of stairs towards the launch bay, which was hidden from the world above by camouflage doors that could only be accessed by comlink and an Underground control center. Pilots in orange and cream suits were running about, while droids faithfully followed at their feet. One droid in particular seemed to spot Poe and Rey from behind, and made its way over to the two with happy, ecstatic beeps. The pair only noticed the orange and white droid when it beeped loudly and nudged at Poe's ankles. 

Rey and Poe slowly turned to be greeted by BB-8, who swiveled patiently. "Hey there buddy, you ready to start 'er up?" Poe asked with a grin while kneeling down to pat his droid's side affectionately. Rey smiled softly at the small exchange, only picking up bits and pieces of their conversation. She was jut too distracted to really pay attention. Being around so many droids and ships always made Rey's heart flutter. She forgot all about her worries from the night before as she found the X-Wing Poe let her fly when she accompanied them on a mission. It made her blood pump faster, to the point where her chest felt fuzzy, and her heart raced in anticipation. Poe noticed her distraction easily and smirked. "Alright, go on. Suit up. I'll send you coordinates, just wait until I give the go for take off." He gestured to the T-70 fighter on the opposite side of the bay. 

Rey glanced to him with a giddy grin and winked. "Sure thing, captain." After she spoke, she was rewarded with a friendly eye roll from Poe and an encouraging nudge. Her legs raced over to the X-Wing automatically, where she snatched up the folded uniform Poe must've provided, and slipped it on. Nimble fingers tugged out the lone bun that covered the top half of her head until all of her hair was free and flowing below her shoulders. Her hair had grown substantially since Jakku, and Rey found it easier to keep it completely down when wearing a helmet. As she began to climb up into the aircraft, she noticed a little (and fairly shiny) round head poking out from the back of the X-Wing. But this was no random piece of metal. This was a blue and white droid head, specifically one of a BB unit. This was _her_ droid. She would notice those parts anywhere. They were the ones Jonas had gifted her after her run into the city. Her mouth hung open dumbly and her eyebrows raised drastically. This was a BB unit all to herself, but how it was assembled and fully functioning, Rey couldn't pinpoint. That is, until Jonas appeared from behind the droid, his head poking out as if he were straining to see Rey. 

"Jonas?" She stated dumbly, the look of awe still on her face. "How is he up and running, I-" She paused to look down at the droid who kept greeting her with small, yet shy beeps and hello's. "I didn't even finish assembling him." Her eyes drifted back to Jonas, who simply smirked and ran a hand through his auburn hair. And why wasn't he fixing _other_ droids? Instead, he was here, surprising Rey with her very own BB unit. Jonas merely laughed at her question and nodded guiltily. 

"Well you ran off, and I figured this guy couldn't wait any longer. I wasn't working on anything special and I knew Poe was going to ask you on the mission." The technician smirked and shrugged with a singular shoulder. "It's yours now, say hi to 2BB-4. I usually just call them BB-4." Jonas shrugged once more and offered a toothy grin. The droid beeped happily and swiveled it's head to glance at Jonas, before looking right back at Rey, who still looked starstruck. 

"You never cease to surprise me, thats for sure." Rey grumbled and softy smiled. She appreciated the gesture immensely, but it would've been fun to assemble her first droid on her own. She can just imagine watching it's system spring to life, like a proud mother. Something to take care of while she spent her days in the Underground. Though, there was plenty of time for that later. Her X-Wing beeped softly, signaling that Poe must've transferred their destination. Time for Rey to get a move on as well. "Thank you Jonas, but I've got to get going." She explained and sighed, just before waving and closing the hatch to her ship. 

The controls to her X-Wing swarmed to life, and Rey missed the telltale tune of the _Falcon's_ sensors coming to life each time she flew it. She supposed that not every ship was as brilliant as the one Chewbacca had entrusted in her care. While stabilizing her censors and imputing her coordinates, Rey reminisced her first time flying in the _Falcon_. Truly flying it, not escaping from the now deceased First Order. A smile played across her features as the engines began to wind up. "What do you say we get this thing in the air, huh BB-4?" Rey questioned her new droid, who beeped a shy affirmation in response. Which only made Rey chuckle softly. So the two had some bonding to do. 

"Alright Rey, you're all set for departure. You know the drill by now, stick to the coordinates and follow my lead." Poe's voice began to crackle to life over her com system. Rey responded with a thumbs up from her window, and a smile in Poe's direction where his X-Wing sat. He grinned back with a small nod and took off moments later. There was a comfortable silence over the link as multiple pilots began their journey out from The Underground. 

"So, you never really told me what the mission is.." Rey sighed as her X-Wing took to the skies. The pit in her stomach dropped and she bit her lip at the sensation. It was always exhilarating to take off, and probably always would be to the desert dweller. Poe's side of the link seemed dormant for a few moments before letting out an exasperated sigh. 

"Direct orders from General Organa. We're sneaking onto a Corellian New Order base. Gather as much intel as possible and under _no_ circumstances should we interact with anyone. We're not using disguises either, so it's quite the bold risk." Poe cleared his throat over the link as Rey's stomach sank. But this time, it wasn't like the gleeful feeling of taking off in a ship, or barrel diving in one either. It was that dreadful feeling the force seemed to provide each time Rey felt as if something was off. Something was going to go wrong, she could simply feel it in her gut. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you guys like it? I'm trying my best with writing, since I've never posted my own story online before. Please leave some comments on what you think and what you'd like to see! Until next time.


	3. Closed Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELP, this chapter is pretty short in my opinion, and it's not too eventful.

_Blood pumped steadily throughout Rey’s body and echoed deeply in her ears. A steady drum preparing her for her every move. One plasma-charged blade slashed a mere centimeter from her neck. Before it could make contact, Ben’s thoughts filtered through her mind like an easily flowing stream. ‘To the left’. So to the left her body went without question. Trust and satisfaction hummed between their mental link. Not to mention pride at how easy this all seemed._

_Being able to access Ben’s abilities was just like finding that scrap metal to contribute to your load of portions for a whole week. A gift. ‘Behind you. Outstretch your arms’.It was that simple, and Rey was dislodging a body part from the armor-clad Praetorian guard who’d just tried to decapitate her. The more Rey’s body moved, the closer she gravitated to Ben. There wasn’t a thought about it in her mind, it was involuntary, but completely natural. It was as if the force was gently pushing her towards him each time she knocked out a threatening foe. She didn’t even mind the force rumbling in her ears when their paths crossed, allowing their bodies to twirl in the opposite direction. It was like a dance of mind and soul, being able to feel your partner so close, what they anticipated next, and what they were thinking in that single moment. It was exhilarating, intoxicating even._

_‘Duck’. His voice was a mere echo in Rey’s mind, but the heads-up helped immensely. If she wished to avoid a spear in her ass. Which, thankfully, she did. They were such a good team, Rey thought while swinging her limbs in precise movements. Her arms lashed and twirled in anxious swoops, but with the aid of Ben’s knowledge in the force, her blows land much easier. Her mind was finding new forms, new ways to bring down the wrath she felt upon her enemies. It was as if she’d been fighting like this her entire life. She was strong enough to defeat these beastly guards with the help of Ben Solo, her supposed enemy._

_But he was so gentle with her, so concerned with those big brown eyes across the floor being surrounded with guards. He was concerned if she was safe, not about his own safety, but hers. He looked at her with subtle worry and concern, but above all, trust. She heard herself shout his name before throwing her his lightsaber. Trust, with her opposite in the force. The stars behind the T-70 fighter Rey was piloting passed by slowly, as if she wasn’t preparing a jump to hyperspace._

The memory of Ben Solo faded from her mind like dust on an old holo, and Rey was back to holding the heavy burden of locking Kylo Ren out. Why at this time? Why so sudden, could she not go one day without him popping up in her mind? All she wanted to do was get off that damned planet she’d been shoved into for eight knifing months- and forget Kylo Ren .  She was supposed to be picking the Resistance back up, and handing it crutches to lean on. She was Rey, the orphan Jedi from nowhere, the one who was the key to the defeat of the First Order. But all this lone “Jedi” could think of was her counterpart. Who just happened to be the evil Emperor of the New Order. Just her luck, she supposed.

“Hang in there kid, the jump isn’t a long one. Once you’re out of Light Speed, there isn’t much space until we’ve reached our destination. Got it?” Poe’s voice crackled to life, and shut down her negative train of thoughts in the process.

“Gotcha. Hear that BB-4?” Rey looked back and although she couldn’t see her droid from over her shoulder, it was comforting to acknowledge it was there. The dread from before faded for a split second when her mind registered that she got to _keep_ this droid. She felt her stomach flip, and for the first time in months, she was giddy. The anxious thoughts that came after thinking of Kylo were out of her mind by now. _‘Ok ok, focus._ ’ Rey schooled her expression once her droid beeped a small affirmation back. Even if it wasn’t much for small talk, Rey appreciated the effort. Someone was looking out for her, someone had her back. These words ran throughout her head like a prayer, one a deserted scavenger lived on. Blue enveloped Rey’s ship as she transported herself to lightspeed. Luckily the jump wasn’t too long of a wait, since Rey knew all about her fondness of waiting.

“So…” She sighed to herself just before clicking a few controls to ensure her jump wouldn’t end too soon. “Are you sure this is safe? We aren’t exactly ready to raid a New Order base just yet.” Rey muttered through her end of the link. It wasn’t until 2BB-4 beeped softly, that Poe replied.

“Don’t worry, the worst we’ll encounter would be a trooper training program. Finn reassured the general that not many officials visited these sorts of bases. Plus, our resources are depleting. If we’re going to keep leaving for recruiting missions, we’ll need fuel and ammunition. Which we’re surely lacking as of now…” Poe’s voice cracked for moment. Rey bypassed his silence as a mere bump in the link, but as the moments ticked on, her worry only increased further.

“Commander?” Rey’s voice softly chimed over the com-link. A moment passed while Rey waited for a response. “Poe? Do you read?” No answer.

“2B, search the database for any other ships. We’re making our drop in approximately three minutes.” Rey called to her companion, trying to school the worry from her voice. She wasn’t trained for these sorts of situations. Kriff, she wasn’t trained at all. She was just the girl that tagged along whenever Poe needed her _‘magical mumbo-jumbo’_. So what happened when the only man that told her what to do, disappeared?

Panic settled at that realization, and BB-4 sent out a small, shrill beep in response. Maybe her and her droid functioned under pressure the same way. Rey’s silent panic only worsened when her X-Wing rumbled back into space, where a large, looming brown planet came into view. It appeared as though she was the first to drop, which meant something was wrong, or Poe took the longer route. If that was even possible. Surely, the base would notice her lone ship hovering, and suspect an attack. So the best solution, with or without her team, was to land unseen. With most of the panic draining from her system, Rey maneuvered her ship towards the murky planet, manning to land with ease. The planet she landed on was ridiculously stale, under the influence of stormtroopers, and fairly murky, but it was also unbelievably vibrant in the force.

The second Rey’s ship touched the surface, she was hit with an abundance of energies upon this backwater planet. Signatures curled around her leather boots and crawled up the curve of her back. She felt the heartbeat of tiny creatures pumping through her ears like a melody, a chorus. It wasn’t exactly the time to smile, but Rey couldn’t help but crack a small smirk at the sensation.

Her ship groaned as the pressure of her small cabin landing, and the oxygen from her cockpit being released into the forest. It reeked of stale water, and muggy plants, certainly not what Rey’s idea of a vacation consisted of. 2BB-4 beeped unsteadily when Rey took her first few steps into the woods, but it’s beeps ebbed away in the distance. One thing Rey became uncomfortably aware of, was the fact that there was so much fog, and that it just happened to be curling by her feet.

The communicator attached to her leather belt was painfully silent, so she made due with the alone time she had for now. If BB-4 caught a signal of Poe’s squadron, the droid was sure to patch the information through to Rey’s handheld communication device. As she squatted low to the group, her mind reached out to wrap around the small bundle of white flowers. Possibly weeds. Even so, their force signature was calming to Rey, a little comfort and light in the darkness of this swampland. _Peaceful_.

That is, until she sensed a group approaching. Footsteps began to fade in with the sound of the croaks and chirps of the forest. With no lightsaber, and only a stingy blaster that was given to her before boarding her ship, Rey was at a loss of options. She needed to shield her signature and find somewhere to hide. _Crunch_. The noise was getting louder, mocking her sense of direction. _Crunch_. She couldn’t tell where the noise was coming from, or if it was coming from one source or more, but Rey’s breath started to pick up with each step. The young Jedi shielded her mind in a small box to minimize her fear, and took not one, but two, _three_ steps towards the noise. Fog began to invade her surroundings, and she thought she remembered Poe saying something about the gasses of this planet awhile ago, but she can’t seem to grasp when or where.

Just as she shut her eyes, she feels it. A familiar force energy. “Poe?” Her lips part, but she doesn’t realize how groggy her voice sounds at the time. She can’t get much more than a small croak out. Something about the gasses, he said. She opens her mouth to speak once more but nothing comes out. _What was it that he said?_

“Rey!” Three voices shout at the same time. “Rey, you there?” They call once more. The fog ebbs away to reveal Poe and a few other members of his squad. Her mind is still foggy, but the force aids in her recovery. “Maker, what the hell happened back there?” Poe is the first to jog to her once they make eye contact, and his hands gently smack her cheeks to bring her back to the present. “We thought your ship went down or something _ate_ you!” He teased and Rey let out a small breath, followed by a gentle smile. The incoherent thoughts in her brain begin to stitch together.

“I thought _you_ were the one to get eaten.” She exhaled a shaky laugh and shoved her dinky little blaster back into her belt holster. When had she reached for it? Rey can’t seem to remember.

Once the group had exchanged questions and relieved pat-on-the-backs, they were back to the mission. Get in, grab as much fuel as you can, get out. Those were the instructions, Rey just had to make sure she was able to stay with the group for more than thirty minutes without losing them once more.

“Alright, heres the deal.” Poe whispered as the group made their way towards a dome shaped building, littered with smaller groups of Stormtrooper trainees. The outside of the building was painted black, a stark contrast to the vibrant greens that surrounded it. Two pilots knelt at the ledge of a rock besides Rey while Poe crouched in front of them. “Rey,” He peered over to her and nodded. “We need your powers,” He paused after Rey grunted. “-to knock a few of those guys out.” Poe gestured over his shoulder to the small group of young Stormtroopers. “Our blasters are way too loud to avoid someone noticing us. And that’s what I’m trying to avoid at all costs. Think you can handle that, Jedi?” His eyes narrowed in anticipation as Rey thought to herself.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you guys in. Just follow my lead.” Her eyes locked with Poe’s for a moment and they both nodded in affirmation. Rey began to crawl upon the forest floor towards the back of the camp, where only a few Troopers were littered. Gently, Rey lifted a hand and took a deep breath. Without a teacher, she was always improving her skills, not to mention the many abilities she was always discovering. She licked her lips momentarily and began to think of a distraction. One by one, the few Stormtroopers began making their way towards the bush Poe and his crew knelt behind. “Get ready to take them out once they pass the ledge” Rey whispered carefully, and was rewarded by the nods of her teammates heads.

Once the first trooper’s armored boot was above the thick brush, Rey’s job became a lot easier from thereon out. With less force hold on the trainees, her mind could relax. Boot by boot, Stormtroopers were knocked out onto the swampy floor. Eventually, the Resistance logo on her team members’s flight suits were replaced with shiny white armor.

“Damn, that was smooth.” A mechanical voice whispered, and by the sound of it, Rey guessed it was Poe. Pride filtered through her body and landed Poe a hidden smirk once Rey popped the helmet on. She just hoped that everything from hereon out went smoothly. The Resistance could certainly use this win.

As if the force were on her side, Rey’s hopefully prediction eventually came true. With no difficulties arriving, Poe’s crew was well on their way out of the small base with a load of fuel and a much food they could carry. No less than twenty five minutes and just one person in her squadron carried enough food for a month. Not to mention the box of caf Rey levitated to her left. It would sure as hell come in handy tomorrow morning. “Come on, lets get out of-“

“Stop right there!” An officer with a navy blue uniform shouted from across the polished hallway. “You are under arrest for infi-“ Just as quickly as he began to speak, his voice died with a pained ‘oof’ as he hit the wall to his right. Just in front of Rey’s box, stood Poe with his short-nosed blaster, a small trail of steam emerging from the barrel of the gun.

“Nice one.” Rey grinned in his direction and he could only do the same back.

The team was quick on their feet in leaving the exact same way they came in, through the back of the Stormtrooper trainee base. The dome was covered in fog by the time they emerged into the woods, leaving them with a perfect cover. Whenever the Order noticed three dead men, a few Stormtroopers unconscious, _and_ a hearty portion of supplies missing, Rey’s shuttle would be nestled happily in The Underground.

Her boots crunched over sticks and her legs burned from the pace she and her teammates were running at. Sure, they had the fog to cover them, but there were trainees littered left and right on the base, so as soon as she made it back to her shuttle the better. This entire mission felt all too easy, so it would only benefit them to be careful whenever they could. A minute or two passed of her thighs burning and her hair flying into her eyes before she caught sight of her fighter.

Atop the X-Wing, sat 2BB-4 with it’s head glancing back and forth nervously. Poor guy, at least Rey hadn't left him alone for _too_ long. “2B!” Rey called and waved with her free hand, the one not currently lifting three large crates. “Start ‘er up! We’ve gotta get out of here. Poe is already secured!” She shouted over the fog that still remained.

After securing her haul, Rey’s costume helmet was tossed aside with a gentle thump. BB-4 beeped a small affirmation that her spacecraft was ready to fly, and like a lightning bolt, she was off, breaking the toxic atmosphere of the mystery planet. Even if the mission went well, Rey left with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, and a small twitch ringing in the back of her mind.

“Nice job, BB-4, lets go home.” Rey called back to her droid over her left shoulder and heaved in a deep breath of air. Her eyes closed just before the blue lights of the signaling jump to lightspeed began. Maybe, Rey could allow herself to believe that luck was on her side this time.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope this goes over well with everyone. I’ll be (hopefully) posting weekly. Please tell me what you’d like to see and your overall opinion on this fic so far! I’d love some feedback.


End file.
